Parallax View Premiership Predictions
Welcome to the fourth (yes! really!) annual Parallax View Premiership Predictions. Whereas my policy of always picking Man Ure to win the title has only yielded a 33% success rate to date, my finger of doom has successfully picked two of the three sides to go down each and every season of my blogging boffinry. No, I'm not sure whether there's such a word as boffinry either, but don't interrupt me when I'm in full flow, OK?
This year, I'm going to break with tradition and lump for Arsenal to retain the title for the first time since the Herbert Chapman era, a decision which will surely give Arseblogger more sleepless nights than Vieira's imminent departure. While the Gooners will be weaker without Paddy and the dressing-room presence of Keown and Parlour, I still take them by default to lift the title ahead of an unstable Chelsea and entropic Man Ure. Liverpool will be closer this year, but not close enough while Newcastle, sadly, look doomed to be swallowed up by the pack of also-rans.
In the relegation scrap, the three promoted sides look to have it all to do, although WBA have given themselves a fighting chance by buying the best quality players that were realistically available to them. There's no room for complacency amongst the likes of Everton, Manchester City, Blackburn, Portsmouth and Southampton though, as they were all shit for long stretches of last season and a repeat of the same could see their luck finally running out.
For once, I'm not picking Fulham for the drop, but only on the theory that if I don't they will finally do the decent thing and drift back to the obscurity to which they truly belong. Another tidy season beckons for fellow Londoners Charlton Athletic, however. Let's hope so, anyway, as Addicks boss Alan Curbishley is one of the few decent blokes left in charge in the Premiership.
In other news, the sheer futility of the existence of Tottenham Hotspur and Middlesbrough is likely to be re-inforced yet again this term. And amen to that.
1. ARSENAL
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester United
4. Liverpool
5. Aston Villa
6. Birmingham City
7. Charlton Athletic
8. Newcastle United
9. Bolton Wanderers
10. Middlesborough
11. Tottenham Hotspur
12. Fulham
13. Blackburn Rovers
14. Southampton
15. West Bromwich Albion
16. Portsmouth
17. Everton
18. Crystal Palace
19. Manchester City
20. Norwich City
So now you know how it's all gonna end up, think of all the savings you can make by not splashing out on Sky Sports, ludicrous ticket charges, visits to the pub for completely pointless footie chatter etc. Parallax View: public service paragon par excellence, don't you agree?
Related link: Ben delivers his team-by-team predictions for the forthcoming Premiership campaign. The wearing of monochrome sunglasses optional while reading this post.
Welcome to the fourth (yes! really!) annual Parallax View Premiership Predictions. Whereas my policy of always picking Man Ure to win the title has only yielded a 33% success rate to date, my finger of doom has successfully picked two of the three sides to go down each and every season of my blogging boffinry. No, I'm not sure whether there's such a word as boffinry either, but don't interrupt me when I'm in full flow, OK?
This year, I'm going to break with tradition and lump for Arsenal to retain the title for the first time since the Herbert Chapman era, a decision which will surely give Arseblogger more sleepless nights than Vieira's imminent departure. While the Gooners will be weaker without Paddy and the dressing-room presence of Keown and Parlour, I still take them by default to lift the title ahead of an unstable Chelsea and entropic Man Ure. Liverpool will be closer this year, but not close enough while Newcastle, sadly, look doomed to be swallowed up by the pack of also-rans.
In the relegation scrap, the three promoted sides look to have it all to do, although WBA have given themselves a fighting chance by buying the best quality players that were realistically available to them. There's no room for complacency amongst the likes of Everton, Manchester City, Blackburn, Portsmouth and Southampton though, as they were all shit for long stretches of last season and a repeat of the same could see their luck finally running out.
For once, I'm not picking Fulham for the drop, but only on the theory that if I don't they will finally do the decent thing and drift back to the obscurity to which they truly belong. Another tidy season beckons for fellow Londoners Charlton Athletic, however. Let's hope so, anyway, as Addicks boss Alan Curbishley is one of the few decent blokes left in charge in the Premiership.
In other news, the sheer futility of the existence of Tottenham Hotspur and Middlesbrough is likely to be re-inforced yet again this term. And amen to that.
1. ARSENAL
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester United
4. Liverpool
5. Aston Villa
6. Birmingham City
7. Charlton Athletic
8. Newcastle United
9. Bolton Wanderers
10. Middlesborough
11. Tottenham Hotspur
12. Fulham
13. Blackburn Rovers
14. Southampton
15. West Bromwich Albion
16. Portsmouth
17. Everton
18. Crystal Palace
19. Manchester City
20. Norwich City
So now you know how it's all gonna end up, think of all the savings you can make by not splashing out on Sky Sports, ludicrous ticket charges, visits to the pub for completely pointless footie chatter etc. Parallax View: public service paragon par excellence, don't you agree?
Related link: Ben delivers his team-by-team predictions for the forthcoming Premiership campaign. The wearing of monochrome sunglasses optional while reading this post.
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