The Short, Fat and Lairy One

There was Parallax View just about to turn over a new sensitive, compassionate leaf and then along comes the much-delayed Cheryl Tweedy court case to shake me back to my senses. For those that can't remember/couldn't care less anyway, the Heaton hottie faces charges including racially-aggravated assault related to an incident in The Drink nightclub in Croydon and an apparent altercation with a toilet attendant over payment for lollies. And no, I'm not making any of this up.

Of course, the Girls Aloud singer will never live this down. The charges are bad enough, but being described in court by the alleged victim as 'the short, fat one' is likely to follow her around like a really nasty smell throughout her career. That's if she's got one left, although of the several witnesses to the assault as yet only the victim appears to recall the use of a racial epithet [update: there has also now been corroboration from the club's former bouncer], and only then after a delayed recall.

Parallax View would like to believe in wor Cheryl's innocence but hastens to admit that the idea of Ms. Tweedy being surrounded in the showers by lairy lesbians of equal, if morally dubious, appeal.

Legal footnote: Cheryl Tweedy denies all charges. The case continues. And rest assured that Parallax View will be snorting up the ensuing detritus like the last remnants of the best Bolivian export off a lavatory cistern.