Friday, March 25, 2005

The Long Good Friday Post

Long-time readers, will, of course, know that this website used to be so much meta, and so for nostalgia's sake, having digested his annual consumption of those essential fish oils, Dead Kenny has averted his eyes from the wide world out there and taken a look around him on the internet for his usual diet of cheap thrills, salacious gossip and some outright lies.

And not a moment too soon, as it seems Robyn is mentally preparing to hang up her boots. This is what happens when you listen to too much QOTSA, you start losing the will to live, or at least to update your blog more than once a week. But as Kim Basinger memorably almost sang on that Was (Not Was) record 'you can't have the Orbyn without the cult'. Has she not realised yet that she isn't a sentient being but in fact a kooky member of the supporting cast that is the ongoing sitcom that is Dead Kenny's life?! And you know what happens when fictional characters start yearning for self-determination, don't we, readers? Yes, indeed, dodgy Woody Allen movies, that's what! Let this be a warning to all of you.

Meanwhile, Ben has also been defying orders by mixing with some real people, to the point of actually interviewing real-life celebrities. Well, if Richard Herring counts as a celebrity, that is, although I think he does, as students once found him funny back in the early nineties (I must have missed that show). Seriously, Richard gives some thoughtful and amusing replies to Ben's Gestapo-like questioning, and only bristles slightly at the mention of his favourite yoghurts. For the record, Dead Kenny's favourite was Muller's Raspberry Pavlova, which used to be appropriately teeth-rottingly sweet until it became strangely discontinued. Supermarket checkout staff have never pressed Dead Kenny on this matter, although they usually prefer to let security deal with him, anyway.

Over in the East Midlands, Phill's managed to stay near Nottingham for a couple of weeks now without being shot at once, who'd have thought? The prospect of dicing with imminent death on a daily basis has brought out his most productive spell of blogging for some time, including some film reviews as part of his important movie-pass experiment. Mind you, he's also able to cheat a little by getting his glamorous goth girlfriend Fincho to review Queen Adreena whilst he takes leering photographs up the lead singer's micro shorts. Nice work suitably noted.

Also muscling in on the gig review front is He Who Probably Has Already Been Named and Shamed By Now, But Let's Keep Up The Pretence In The Vague Notion People Will Find It Faintly Amusing To Do So who gives us the live lowdown on Rilo Kiley and The Arcade Fire. There are no leering photos of Jenny Lewis, though. Try harder, O Nameless One!

Elsewhere, the official Reading Festival Line-Up has been announced. Think Dead Kenny'll be giving it a miss, this year. They apparently decided to book Iron Maiden having seen so many people wearing their t-shirts last year. This seems incredibly naive to believe that the number of people who wear these t-shirts equates in any way to the amount of people who actually buy and listen to their records, but 'presumably' they know what they're doing.

Still, depression about rock festival line-ups can be nicely put into perspective by the distressing reports that allege Gail Porter tried to top herself after failing to cope with the shame of being dumped by some bloke called Dan from Toploader. Well, you've gotta admit, she's got a point*.

You see, Gail, if only you could keep yourself entertained by thinking up football teams entirely composed of people with rude-sounding names things could work out so differently...

(*Legal disclaimer: Suicide is rarely painless, particularly for those left behind - Parallax View Health Dept.)



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