Parallax View Gets Back To You

Well it's started, and I'm hooked already. Darren over at Link Machine Go has compiled all the essential links so that just leaves it to me to give you my annual initial assessment of this year's victims. Readers sensitive to regional stereotyping may wish to look away now.

Scott. Liverpool likely lad with a Hoxton fin and a play for Radio 4 under his belt. A scally with a brain, then: now that is a dangerous proposition. Early nomination for eviction seems to have knocked him off his stride, but if he can manage to avoid eviction in the first few weeks he could have a chance of winning. Housemate most likely to: say 'calm down, calm down!' in an excited way during the inevitable house rows. Possibly.

Anoushka With her blatant attention seeking from the moment she's set foot in the house Anoushka has set herself up for early eviction. But when her attention seeking extends to the pleasing way she fills out a purple bikini hopefully the lads' vote will keep her in as the house will be too bland without her uninhibited ways. Housemate most likely to: provide copious semi-nudity throughout the series.

Jon Vaguely creepy-looking hybrid between the bloke who played Leon and an IT nerd. Has been the most attentive to the ladeez in the house which is a smart move on several levels: a burgeoning romance is the only way he's gonna survive eviction in the first few weeks. Loses points for insisting on being called 'Tickle' and bringing false boobs into the house. Housemate most likely to: make a complete and utter (latex) tit of himself.

Justine Pretty brunette with a womanly figure, could get empathy from the audience demographic, but hasn't exactly been compelling viewing so far. If she doesn't make a move on one of the blokes soon, could be an early leaver. Housemate most likely to: bring a copy of Bridget Jones' Diary as her luxury item.

Cameron Genial scot would be an obvious candidate for paternal figure 'cept for the fact he still lives with his folks. Not immediately clear why he's on the show, if he was such an experience junkie wouldn't he have got his own place by now? Housemate most likely to: disappear without a trace after the show.

Nush The prettiest housemate, and the sight of her doing yoga in her jimjams has provided the most prurient thrills in the house to date. Has been surprisingly responsive to Jon's attentiveness, as well as flirted with Federico and Ray. If she reins in her hippy-dippy tendencies could be canny enough to make the final four. Housemate most likely to: be known as Tush by the tabloids come the end of the week.

Federico Self-styled 'Italian Stallion' with a Scottish accent, Donnie Darko haircut and unlimited self-esteem, he's BB4's equivalent to Pop Idol's Darius. Should win, as long as he doesn't start getting too cocky. Housemate most likely to: find a jet engine landing on his bed in the middle of the night.

Tania Just as well she has the most striking looks in the house, as otherwise she's made little impact to date. Is the girlfriend of West Ham rookie forward Youssef Sofiane and let's face it, if you had a name like Sofiane you'd get yourself a smart girlfriend pretty bloody quick, wouldn't you? Housemate most likely to: sell exclusive rights of her wedding photos to Hello! magazine.

Gos A kind of cross between Chef from South Park and Anthony Worral Thompson. Is a cook and a good listener - it'd certainly be nice to see a fat, straight black man win Big Brother, but the show's audience demographic suggests that ain't ever gonna happen. Blotted his copybook by suggesting a bloody evil pan to sabotage the girls' tampon supplies. And if you're 31 and can cook - why stay at home with your folks? There's a very high mummy's boy quotient to this year's BB. Housemate most likely to: stir things up in the house.

Sissy With her pale skin, red hair and pretty-in-a-plain-sort-of-way looks she's reminiscent of her namesake Sissy Spacek in that film Carrie. Could prove popular with boys and girls, but might get lairy after a few drinks, I reckon. Housemate most likely to: attack fellow housemates with kitchen utensils using her telekinetic prowess.

Ray Got drowned out amidst all the excitement of the first day, but the shaven-haired Irishman is slowly coming out of his shell as the prettiest and most likeable of the boys. Could be a dark horse, particularly if he makes a move on Tush Nush. Housemate most likely to: cop off.

Steph Short-haired Birmingham lass, at first I thought she might be a lesbian, but then I found out she's been married to a footballer. Mind you, his name is Stacy so that must qualify her as at least bisexual, surely? Has gone to extraordinary lengths not to show any skin to date. Could be popular with female housemates and audience, and might make the last four if she can generate some chemistry with any of the lads or lasses. Housemate most likely to: treat BB like an extended therapy session after her recent divorce, 50:50 chance of an on-screen crack-up a la Vanessa Feltz/Les Dennis.

Up for nomination on Friday: Federico, Scott, Jon and Anoushka. Gonna be between the last two - and real boobs win over fake boobs every time in the Parallax View household. So if you're a betting man/woman have a tickle on Jon being first out.