Sunday, September 11, 2005

Girl-Shaped Redefined?

It's a well-known piece of unsubstantiated and malicious gossip that the hugely popular singer-songwriter Kate Bush eats like a pig and balloons to 22 stone between albums. So I was wondering does the same apply to female bloggers and their spectacular and always distressing 'hiatus' periods? In other words, does 'hiatus' actually mean 'I ate the entire range of deli counter products at Waitrose and can't bear to be in front of the webcam until a steady regimen of sex and exercise gets me back into some sort of shape'?

Maybe we should ask Robyn Wilder, back to entertain us via some swanky smartphone technology with her endearing attempts to seem hip and happening while guzzling champagne, eating chocolate peanuts and watching bad TV. Robyn promises that things could soon get 'big, fat and interesting' and with all that conspicuous consumption of gnocchi and red wine, frankly we're not surprised. Perhaps the signs are already there in the picture of her seductively draped across the sofa, her midriff cunningly obscured by a strategically-placed cushion. Robyn says she's 'eager to meet [our] tender urgent needs' (which is well-rounded-girl-in-a-club talk, if we ever heard it) so our urgent request is -

'Show us the tummy, honey!'*

*LEGAL DISCLAIMER: PARALLAX VIEW LIKES WOMEN OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES, PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO REGULARLY DISPLAY CUTE AND NINJA-LIKE PERSONALITY TRAITS. THIS LINE OF ENQUIRY IS PURELY FOR INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM PURPOSES AND A THINLY-DISGUISED ATTEMPT TO FATTEN UP AN OTHERWISE STANDARD BLOGGING SHOUT-OUT. RETALIATORY COMMENTS ABOUT THE SIZE OF DEAD KENNY'S BREASTS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO BE 31! EITHER THAT, OR WE'LL TAKE THE PISS OUT OF YOUR SHAKIRA RECORDS.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Robyn said...

:-P

7:44 PM  
Blogger Dead Kenny said...

Welcome back, Robyn's tongue. You've been missed ;-)

9:36 PM  

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