De Jour Is Out?

Martin is such a fine and studious conspiracy nut I'm convinced he probably believes deep down that Caledonian Thistle's infamous victory over his beloved Celtic was the work of an underground FBI mole. But even he's stretching credulity as far and wide as J-Lo's g-string if he believes that online gender tester thing somehow proves that Belle de Jour is in fact written by a man.

The very same device is absolutely convinced that yours truly is female (and if I remember correctly, this was a common finding among male bloggers a few months back) and I can assure you that even though I do indeed possess pendulous breasts of which Jordan herself would be proud, this is the worrying result of excess ale rather than naturally-forming oestregen. So in the words of every precinct police captain in your standard cop show:

'Come back to me when you have some goddamn evidence! And If I get the idea you're taking this thing personally, you're off the case!'

I think it's fair to say Oliver Stone will not be returning Martin's calls just yet about the alleged Belle Of The Balls. Let's just remain mildly entertained by his/her/its' reminiscences of golden showers and fantasy wishlists that include getting Myleene Klass into a Turkish brothel for a fortnight, and give this debate 'the snip'.