It's Monday So It Must Be A Lowbrow Link About Titillating Gibberish

I think if you're the first girl booted out of the final 12 of Pop Idol there are a couple of things you could do to add to your tabloid shelf-life. First option would be to date a footballer, but nah, I guess that'd be just too dangerous these days. Option 2 is to publicly discuss your sapphic tendencies towards a fellow contestant despite having a steady boyfriend for nearly two years.

Step forward Kirsty Crawford (19, pictured left from the official site) from Northants, booted out for murdering an Anastacia song which seems a bit unfair given that it hasn't hurt Anastacia's career so far. Of bookie's favourite Susanne, Kirsty revealed -

'“She was the first person I met at the auditions and we’ve been friends since. She came up and said, ‘You’re so beautiful and talented — don’t forget that’. It really helped.”

Kirsty went on to admit the pair had shared a bed while in London for the contest. She told ITV2’s Pop Idol Extra: “It’s just me and Susanne that sleep together.

“We have a kiss boobies kind of thing. We don’t actually do anything, we just bounce boobs.”

Gobsmacked judge Nicki Chapman gasped: “It’s all coming out now.”'

Oh yes Nicki, indeed it is. Kirsty's own pop idol is Janet Jackson (no comment - legal dept.) but for her services to dimples and mildly titillating gibberish Parallax View will be closely following her career all the way back to the Milton Keynes branch of Pizza Hut.

Meanwhile, Susanne admits in her portfolio to being random, dumb and caring. She should just have left it as saying she was from Reading and we'd have worked the rest out for ourselves, don't you think?

As we seem to be strolling down Mammary Lane it's probably as good a time as any to point out some screencaps of Meg Ryan nude from In The Cut (link not safe for work, will also probably only work this week). And Nicole Eggert, the girl nobody really seems to remember much from Baywatch, has decided to remind us she's still available for work by doing a photoshoot for Stuff magazine (nipples tastefully and painstakingly obscured by long blonde tresses but probably still not safe for work).

Parallax View has always had a soft spot for birds with big noses, so is as sad about the end of Concorde as anybody. Jeremy Clarkson, Jonathan Glancey and our own Mark Xynk reflect on their own experiences of the plane and the end of an era its passing represents. Sadly, none of 'em own up to dropping a lemon down Joan Collins' cleavage. Where's Leonard Rossiter when you need him, eh? Eh?

Tomorrow it's Tuesday. But I won't be Belgian. Work that one out, if you will.