Cheryl Tweedy News...um...splash?

Girls Aloud stunner Cheryl Tweedy (pictured left) seems so determined to (ahem) put to bed allegations of racist remarks Parallax View politely asks whether any Grade-Z non-caucasion celeb is safe from the Newcastle neo-nymphet? A few weeks back you may remember it was reported that she was ejected from a club for a water-pistol fight with Titus Bramble. Perhaps the Newcastle United defender's legendary clumsiness in and around the box didn't impress someone with Cheryl's talent-spotting ability as this week she has instead been linked with Haydon Ekshun (gesundheit!) from Ultimate KAOS (sadly not a yoof anarchist movement but apparently a failed boyband from yesteryear).

Only the most cynical and hard-hearted Parallax View reader could possibly imagine that the pair spent the many hours in a locked hotel room together congratulating themselves on a mutually self-serving publicity coup (Haydon is to feature in the seemingly ill-fated Re-Born In The USA).

But on this occasion there's no mention of any water sports in their courtship ritual.

Still, you never know, I suppose...