Sunday, November 16, 2003

Nicole: Vaseline Smeared Lenz?When In Paris, Do As The French Do

It seems it never rains, but il pleut. So first up, congratulations to the England rugby union team on their 24-7 victory over France earlier this morning which means they're through to next weekend's World Cup final against holders (and, indeed, hosts) Australia. Idiot reporter to triumphant coach Clive Woodward after the game: 'That was a great England win in typically English conditions'. A visibly perplexed Woody to idiot reporter: 'If I remember rightly it rains in France as well'. Idiot reporter put in his place.

The England soccer team did less well today, losing 3-2 at home to Denmark in a meaningless friendly. Thumbs up though for Joe Cole who marked his first full start for the national side with a goal, and another ex-Hammer, Glen Johnson, who made his international debut coming on as sub for a limp(ing) Gary Neville. Add in Frank Lampard in midfield, Rio Ferdinand on the sidelines and Jermain Defoe waiting in the wings, and it looks like yet again the Upton Park academy is providing the building blocks for a successful England future.

There's another fantastic short story by Haruki Murakami posted online. Entitled Hunting Knife it shimmers with an end-of-holidays ambience before cutting deep beneath the surface. I do love a short story with an atmosphere, as Russ Abbott once memorably didn't sing.

Oh, and Anja has redesigned. Is it that time of the week already? Just kidding, Anja! She also has a picture of herself in the bath, wearing a hat, talking to her cat, drunk. Relax though, boys and girls, this isn't explicit Paris Hilton-style material.

Speaking of the (possibly) chemically imbalanced PH there are reports that there will be a further video installment of her biology lessons available soon, as three different witnesses have alleged they have seen a video in circulation of Paris having lesbian sex with model Nicole Lenz before being joined by a male Hollywood star. It seems what you give to a girl who has everything on her birthday is a pert and pliable playmate and so considerate of her, don't you think, to have pre-recorded some sequels to her internet blockbuster? Lady Of The Ringtones trilogy, anyone?

Who knows what the truth of the matter is, although the video is alleged to have been recorded at a hotel the night of Paris' birthday bash earlier this year, and these pictures certainly place the skinny former playmate Lenz at the scene of the 'crime'. I should hastily point out that there's no suggestion that Nicole's companion in these photos had any involvement in the alleged video, let alone was the meat in the lo-cal whitebread sandwich.

Haven't seen any online viewings of Hilton's Lenz lesbian love-in as yet, but until then, we'll have to make do with Nicole's shattering solo video from the archives of her playmate days (requires RealPlayer, and completely NOT SAFE FOR WORK, as well as having a dreadful soft-rock soundtrack). Seems even back then, Nicole loved getting a bit of heir in her teeth, and judging on this evidence you have to concede that as a birthday present this was a capital idea. I'm going to have to quit with the puns now or I'll stop making seines.

Let's steer clear of smut for a while and introduce you to ShiftX a gameculture weblog from the shadowy but ever-so-dependable oh!skylab conspiracy. Doesn't mean a lot to me, I'm afraid, but there's a good review of Matrix Revolutions on there. Speaking of Neo fights, if you haven't seen it yet, this is a fun little manga-style spoof of Matrix:Reloaded. I'm still looking for a sensible deconstruction of the Architect scene, btw, but haven't had any takers yet, so I'm assuming you're all as nonplussed as I am.

Finally, this is currently the best place to find new tunes to download. Registration is needed (and has limited availability) for full access to the archives (via Paulos). Speaking of online music, I have a friend looking for good download sites for rock/metal choons - anyone know of something equivalent?

Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Some more album reviews due next week, as well as the usual stuff and, indeed, nonsense. Which will no doubt include bad puns, poor French translations, underdressed celebrities and cheap digs at my blogging brethren amidst other indiscretions.



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