Bubblin' under
So where the fuck is Grimsby, anyway? Hammers fans look sure to find out next season after last night's dismal defeat at home to Southampton makes us near-as-dammit stone cold certainties for the drop come the end of the season. A not inconsiderable feat for a team full of internationals (including three from England's World Cup squad) in a division that contains Bolton, Sunderland and West Bromwich Bleedin' Albion, fer chrissakes. So it all begs the not unreasonable question - who's to blame for this fucking fiasco?!!
Many fans point to The Board. And with some good reason, as they plead poverty while at the same time funneling millions into expanding the stadium and creating a 'football museum' (latest exhibit: our premiership status) to the tune of 4m. Given the fact that we sold Ferdinand and Lumplard for a combined £30m, 35,000 people are shelling out 30 quid a ticket week in week out and we get £5m each season just for being in the Premiership, how come we spent no money whatsoever in the close season? Where the fuck has the money gone? Not all on Davor Suker's wages, that's for sure, unless he was Ronnie Biggs in disguise. Still, chairman Terence Brown has a cunning plan to appease the fans. He's promised to bring in a few 'loan signings' in the transfer window next month. That's big of you, Terry, you tightfisted old TWAT.
Then there's the manager, Glenn Roeder. Nice enough bloke no doubt, but prior to getting this job his biggest responsibility was keeping Gazza out of trouble. Yep, that's right, the same Paul Gascoigne whose career went to shit because of off-field problems and who now can't get a game for Hartlepool reserves. True, he's had no money this season, but when he did have money (£15m) he splashed it on David James; Tomas Repka and Don Hutchison, two nutters and a cripple. Still, it could have been worse, I suppose - thank God Fergie gazumped us at the last minute for Seba Veron.
Let's not forget the players. Insured for a grand total of £100m, they're proving completely unable to score down one end and keep them out in t'other, and all the fancy footwork in the world between penalty areas ain't gonna change that leading to relegation. DiCanio and Sinclair aside, all our other much-coveted stars too often flatter to deceive.
But why stop there? Those bloomin' other teams in the league...trying their best to score against us, it just isn't fair! In particular, Seb Schemmel (who's becoming a right regular rent-a-quote these days) points the finger at Arsenal. Oh Arseblogger, so much to answer for!
Right, now the blame's been apportioned, where do we go from here? In my on/off-line guise as a professional Hammers fan, people often ask me what the answer is? And I've found it. A bloody great bottle of Jack Daniels may not do a lot for the team's performances, but hell, it makes me feel a lot better. And when that stops working I hear they're now making heroin free on the NHS. If being a lifelong Hammer doesn't represent 'critical need' a certain well-known footballer's a womaniser, if you ask me.
So where the fuck is Grimsby, anyway? Hammers fans look sure to find out next season after last night's dismal defeat at home to Southampton makes us near-as-dammit stone cold certainties for the drop come the end of the season. A not inconsiderable feat for a team full of internationals (including three from England's World Cup squad) in a division that contains Bolton, Sunderland and West Bromwich Bleedin' Albion, fer chrissakes. So it all begs the not unreasonable question - who's to blame for this fucking fiasco?!!
Many fans point to The Board. And with some good reason, as they plead poverty while at the same time funneling millions into expanding the stadium and creating a 'football museum' (latest exhibit: our premiership status) to the tune of 4m. Given the fact that we sold Ferdinand and Lumplard for a combined £30m, 35,000 people are shelling out 30 quid a ticket week in week out and we get £5m each season just for being in the Premiership, how come we spent no money whatsoever in the close season? Where the fuck has the money gone? Not all on Davor Suker's wages, that's for sure, unless he was Ronnie Biggs in disguise. Still, chairman Terence Brown has a cunning plan to appease the fans. He's promised to bring in a few 'loan signings' in the transfer window next month. That's big of you, Terry, you tightfisted old TWAT.
Then there's the manager, Glenn Roeder. Nice enough bloke no doubt, but prior to getting this job his biggest responsibility was keeping Gazza out of trouble. Yep, that's right, the same Paul Gascoigne whose career went to shit because of off-field problems and who now can't get a game for Hartlepool reserves. True, he's had no money this season, but when he did have money (£15m) he splashed it on David James; Tomas Repka and Don Hutchison, two nutters and a cripple. Still, it could have been worse, I suppose - thank God Fergie gazumped us at the last minute for Seba Veron.
Let's not forget the players. Insured for a grand total of £100m, they're proving completely unable to score down one end and keep them out in t'other, and all the fancy footwork in the world between penalty areas ain't gonna change that leading to relegation. DiCanio and Sinclair aside, all our other much-coveted stars too often flatter to deceive.
But why stop there? Those bloomin' other teams in the league...trying their best to score against us, it just isn't fair! In particular, Seb Schemmel (who's becoming a right regular rent-a-quote these days) points the finger at Arsenal. Oh Arseblogger, so much to answer for!
Right, now the blame's been apportioned, where do we go from here? In my on/off-line guise as a professional Hammers fan, people often ask me what the answer is? And I've found it. A bloody great bottle of Jack Daniels may not do a lot for the team's performances, but hell, it makes me feel a lot better. And when that stops working I hear they're now making heroin free on the NHS. If being a lifelong Hammer doesn't represent 'critical need' a certain well-known footballer's a womaniser, if you ask me.
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