The oldest lines in the script. Newly single Mark King tries out some cinematic chat-up lines with predictably mixed results. Until -

'In despair I decided to log on to an online dating community. I registered a profile which I thought would attract potential life partners. It read: "I think the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

Short and sweet and, of course, lifted from Moulin Rouge. Cheesy? Maybe. False? Certainly. Everyone knows the greatest thing you'll ever learn is how to make and keep hold of money, but love comes a close second. Imagine my surprise when a week later I received an email from "shadow lady" containing one sentence: "What's your type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?"'