And so Celebrity Big Brother will soon be upon us.

Let's hope the producers show some real imagination this time. For instance, John Leslie and Angus Deayton seem to have some time on their hands at the moment, so I'd shove them in. Michael Barrymore would suit the washed-up comedian role performed last time by Jack Dee, and it would be fun to see if he said 'awwight?' more times than Sophie did in Big Brother 3.

Holly Valance's fondness for bikinis and general disdain for clothing would be ideal to keep the ratings high and provide the necessary temptation for alleged sex-hungry gak fiends Deayton and Leslie. Sara Cox could be the blonde one that nobody understands. And listen Becks, what safer place is there for Posh Spice over the next few weeks than under the beady 24/7 eye of millions of internet viewers?

I would keep the rich side/poor side scenario. The rich side would have unlimited amounts of cocaine, viagra and booze plus a 20 minute phone call to a correspondent from Hello! magazine. The poor side would have to work for a bloody living, and frankly that would never do. And it would be three strikes and a dip in Barrymore's hot-tub just to ratchet the tension up a bit further.

It would be trainwreck television at its most explosive or my name's not Max Clifford.