It's got to be at least two weeks since Paulos announced he was going away to Newcastle-Under-Lyme for a few days and nothing has been heard of him since. Just how many things are there to do in the Potteries, for goodness sake? Has Brooke got him held at gunpoint, I wonder? Or is he cradling a sherry in the corner of a pub somewhere, singing Robbie Williams songs on karaoke?

I think we should be told.