Soccer news round-up -

So you're the boss at Spurs, referred to by the fans as 'God' and you consider yourself a tactical genius. Your team have badly unperformed all season. One of the clear reasons for this is a midfield full of slow, ageing, injury-prone has-beens. What would you do? Well, Genius Glen opts to bring in Jamie Redknapp, a 28-year-old ex-international with a history of injury problems who's been released on a free transfer by Liverpool, on a whopping four-year contract. Anyone out there still convinced he knows what he's doing?

Meanwhile, Atomic Kitten's Liz McClarnon has apparently 'netted' chubby Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard. Liz, on the rebound from Blue's Lee, is reported to be keen to take things slowly. Judging by the size of Fat Frank, who appears to have embraced the 'pasta culture' at Stamford Bridge with perhaps more gusto than was wise, this is perhaps just as well...

And finally...come on, own up! Which sick fuck came here looking for Arsene Wenger nude?