Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Last 'Christmas'? Well, We Can But Hope

Touching, isn't it, to see that 20 years on from the last time a bunch of bloated, smuggo popstars got together to breathe a sigh of relief that they were rich enough to waste their money on drugs rather than starve like Ethiopians, a similar bunch of over-rated twats with monstrous egos have congregated in unseemly retro-zeitgeist zeal to pay homage to the mid-80s 'classic' Do They Know It's Christmas?

And there was me thinking we were way past the point where everything was excusable as long as it was in the name of 'charidee'. Despite the fact that record company accounts are not sufficiently transparent for anyone to have any clear idea how much will actually go to the many good causes involved, 'Saint' Bob advises mischievous online pups that illegally downloading the track will be 'literally' taking food from hungry children's mouths. Bob (who once thought 'Banana Republic' was releasable, and has therefore been certifiable for at least 20 years) needn't worry - having listened to the record, the only possible reason for owning the track would be that you were too lazy and/or superficial to pay money to charity in any other way.

The latest version starts off promisingly enough with a keyboard motif which at least suggests someone (Chris Martin, presumably) gave a little bit of thought to the arrangement, before descending into over-produced tedium of the very worst self-important kind. And when Dizzee Rascal starts rapping about "giving a bit of 'elp to the 'elpless" I'd had enough: for the love of money, have the Great British Public not bought enough Libertines records already this year?!

But, seriously. Paul McCartney; Robbie Williams; Bono and Justin Hawkins all in the same studio at the same time: what a colossal missed opportunity. It really makes you question your faith in international terr0rism, doesn't it?


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