Hammer Time

With the West Ham v Chelsea game sold out many weeks ago I took extreme measures to avoid the tension of the must-win affair by taking a trip to Wolverhampton this afternoon. First of all, I picked up my tickets for next week's gigs by Hot Hot Heat and Evan Dando at Birmingham Academy before popping to see Helen Storey's Mental exhibition at Wolverhampton Art Gallery.

The exhibition attempts to marry art with science, featuring a number of sculptures attempting to give a physical manifestation of death as well as a 'furry female sculpture lying in a darkened room' as mood-altering pheromones are emitted into the air while Barry White purrs 'My First, My Last, My Everything' on the soundtrack. Cumulative effect: spooky.

A quick pint of Envill White later and I slipped into the Grand Theatre to see Jason Connery (thinner of thatch since his Robin of Sherwood days) and former Coronation Street star Tracy Shaw in an adaptation of David Hare's The Blue Room. The play is an update of Schnitzler's 'La Ronde' with Connery and Shaw playing five different characters in 'a dance of love'.

The main theme of the play: that the pursuit of true love is a futile exercise but what is the alternative? Connery and Shaw get the opportunity to show their range as actors and were perhaps surprisingly competent in doing so: Shaw making a particularly attractive Swedish au pair. Voyeurs may also be interested to note that the nudity (apparently minimal bordering on subliminal in the Nicole Kidman version in the West End) has been significantly increased for this provincial tour and Tracy Shaw does look good naked.

The thought-provoking play finished about 4.20pm and by the time I'd ordered my pint in Heroes Sports Bar prodigal son Paolo DiCanio popped up with what proved to be the winner against lacklustre Chelsea. Sadly, other results went against the Hammers so we remain relegation favourites going into the last day, as even if we win our remaining game away to in-form Blues this may not prove enough to retain our Premiership status. Nevertheless, it's been a magnificent effort in what is proving to be a tremendous climax to the season.